MEET THE HUNTER

HUNTER
Hmmmmm.

HUNTER
Judging by soil density, wind velocity, and barometric pressure...

HUNTER
He's headed North.

DWARF
Oh you don't say, lad.

HUNTER
Or is that south?

HUNTER
So you want to know what it takes to be a hunter? This isn't just something you decide to do when mining copper stops paying the bills.

HUNTER
The selection process is very competitive.

PALADIN TRAINER
No sorry buddy.

ROGUE TRAINER
No, can't do it mate.

WARLOCK TRAINER
No sorry, try somewhere else.

HUNTER
It must have been destiny.

GOBLIN
Fill out these forms and sign here.

GOBLIN
Congratulations you are now a certified...

GOBLIN
Hunter.

GOBLIN
Please note that signing this form does not mean you are ready for combat...

HUNTER
I was now a fully ready for combat, all I needed was my bow.

OLD WISE ONE
Welcome young apprentice, your training begins now.

OLD WISE ONE
This bow was passed on to me from my great ancestor DancesWithGnomes, it is said to contain the spirit and essence of life itself.

OLD WISE ONE
It will take many years to master the use of this weapon.

OLD WISE ONE
Fortunatly you have me to show you the way.

HUNTER
Yoink!

HUNTER
For many years I trained with my bow fighting all who came before me.

HUNTER
Your tyranny over this field is no more.

HUNTER
In no time at all people were depending on me to hold together their group.

HUNTER
...and the doctor didn't seem too surprised because that was like the third or fourth time I got something stuck in there.

HUNTER
Oh that reminds me, did you guys know you can get sick from eating cat food?

WARRIOR
Something's not right.

HUNTER
That's what I said! There's no way something that tasty can be bad for you.

WARRRIOR
You need to shoot the rope holding the gate! It's our only way out.

HUNTER
How am I supposed to...

HUNTER
Of course!

HUNTER
Eventually I discovered the secret way of using a bow, a skill so complex that frankly, I doubt the likes of you could hope to grasp it.

HUNTER
But I reached true mastery when I learned auto shoot, a sort of meditation skill allowing one to shoot without consciousness. This enabled a whole new level of dedication to my craft.

HUNTER
The key is to be well equipped before entering battle.

HUNTER
Waste not want not, words to live by.

HUNTER
Hunter weapon, hunter weapon

HUNTER
Oh this was made for a hunter.

HUNTER
Wow this has 60% chance to increase spirit! If I wear two that's 120%!

HUNTER
I wonder if they have this in red.

HUNTER
Hunter weapon.

HUNTER
Hey guys.

GNOME
Good lord what is all that crap?

HUNTER
Some of us prefer to be prepared.

HUNTER
Look, I may not be the smartest peach in the shed, but at the end of the day only two things matter.

HUNTER
Intelligence, phat loots, and survivalfulness.

HUNTER
And that's what being a hunter is all about.

RAID HUMAN
Uh, what's our hunter doing?

RAID GNOME
Why do we even bring him?

The End.