TEMP FORTRESS 2 SCOUT It seems that our employeer ran into a few financial difficulties and had to shut down. Personally I blame the heavy. Do you know any idea how much that guy eats? HEAVY I not eat so much it was puny man fault. SCOUT Since we were unemployed, we had no option but to look for new jobs. INT. OFFICE. FOREMAN So it says here that you're an engineer. ENGINEER Yup. FOREMAN Now I assume you have all your safety certifications so I wont waste your time with that, we need you to start immediatly. SOLDIER I was used to killing people all day, so everyone said I would make a great lawyer. SOLDIER Ladies and gentleman of the jury, I ask you this. SOLDIER When a man kills another man, is that a crime? SOLDIER When I killed the nazis in germany they tried to tell me the war was over. SOLDIER The war is never over my friends. It is every soldier's duty to stand up and fight, and if that is a crime, then lock me up. SOLDIER I rest my case. DEMOMAN So I ring up my mate and he tells me, oh just run a daycare, easy money from those spoiled yank brats. DEMO Oy! Which of you little wankers want to come for a ride? DEMOMAN Apparently in this country picking up children in your van makes you look like a pervert. BARNEY Hey can I get a double cheeseburg. COMBINE SOLDIER And nachos. BARNEY And nachos. BARNEY Dude they don't have nachos. COMBINE SOLDIER Hey did he remember my nachos. SNIPER It didn't take long for me to find a new job, mate. SHADY CHARACTER So I hear you're an expert at headshots. SNIPER That's right. SHADY CHARACTER I need you to get this guy here, got it? SNIPER Cause when you're the best at what you do, there's always an open position. SNIPER Oh I got the headshot you wanted, mate. SHADY CHARACTER So where are the photos? SNIPER Photos? BLUE ENGINEER With red out of the picture we haven't had all that much to do. BLUE ENGINEER As it turns out killing is all we're really good at. SCOUT Yo tech support what's the matter? SCOUT Ok listen...is it plugged in? SCOUT Yeah...the black chord. SCOUT Are you stupid or something? SCOUT What did you just say to me? SCOUT Oh you wanna come down here and say that to my face? MEDIC I found an ad in the classifieds. They were looking for someone with a science background. SCOUT Tubby decided to try his hand at acting. HEAVY You will regret this. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday. And for the rest of your puny life. SCOUT Things went downhill when no one would take him seriously. LETTERMAN Ladies and gentleman, say hello to the Heavy. LETTERMAN Do you have a career, do you talk about it as a career? HEAVY Yes I am serious actor now. LETTERMAN Really? Well I didn't realize that. LETTERMAN One of the great things is you get to travel around a lot don't you? HEAVY I just got back from shooting new movie with medic. LETTERMAN He's very odd isn't he? LETTERMAN He's running around dressed like a nurse. HEAVY He is not nurse he is medic. LETTERMAN Really that's what they call it? HEAVY Stop this I am serious actor. SCOUT In the end the government decided that bailing out big business is important. SCOUT The good news is we got our jobs back. SCOUT Hey did anyone get their paycheck? The End.